It's been about a year or two recently, becoming increasingly entangled in matters of initiative and passivity. I am somewhat socially anxious, so in most cases related to people, I adopt a passive attitude: waiting for the other person to speak first during conversations, waiting to be invited to join a team, and not calling friends to hang out when I entertain myself... But thinking about it, this isn't very good; if what I wait for isn't initiative, then all I have is silence. Recently, I’ve been reading Wang Xiaobo's "The Silent Majority," which mentions the power of discourse, stating that words have power, but unfortunately, most people choose silence. Everyone has the right to compete, but no one has the right to judge. I think most silent people, like me, are repeatedly confirming whether they are being firmly chosen.
There’s a popular saying online: "Don’t try to change a person." I think this might also be a reason; if I were meant to be chosen, then I wouldn’t need to say anything to be chosen, but if it’s not meant for me, then nothing I do will help. So, I slowly learned to "not speak," and gradually felt that this is actually not bad; if I don’t take the initiative and don’t get close, I won’t get hurt.
Chloe, I don’t want you to love me; love is a constraint, and love requires me to love in return. What I want is freedom. Expectation is a debt of emotion. — "My Heart is Late"
Speaking of passivity, I passively accept everything around me, including the world. It has nothing to do with courage; I just feel that taking the initiative wastes my enthusiasm and spoils the beauty of things. From last year until now, for a long time, everyone liked to discuss their personality MBTI, with the most common distinction being between i-people and e-people. i-people are mostly the passive ones, longing to be firmly chosen. I have several friends with whom I have a particularly good relationship, but I have never told them to firmly choose me. I don’t want to be an option, and fortunately, interactions between people often involve unspoken but understood words. However, I once told an online friend that a fixed playmate needs to be firmly chosen. I said if next time there’s hesitation between two or more choices, please exclude me; I have never been one of any options. This is not something everyone needs to follow; that would be a bit absurd in this era. Twisted people need to be firmly chosen; as long as it’s you, I’m willing. Without you, I can’t go on.
I have to say, I envy those who are proactive, although deep down I still feel that "being proactive means being at a disadvantage" and "being proactive and getting rejected can be very painful." Being proactive requires courage. The courage to pursue what you like, to express what you think, and to voice discomfort. Writing to this point, I find that I can’t write anymore. I have been silent for a long time; I am not a proactive person and don’t have many feelings, but please dare to love and hate!
Dear friend, please don’t lack the courage to say goodbye to everything. Whether passive or not, please be decisive and loudly say "goodbye."
"Those slow, sorrowful songs have long said that after love comes farewell." "Don’t say goodbye to me; a single goodbye ends it all."