A few days ago, in the English CET exam room, after finishing the paper, I sat there thinking, hmm, I should write an article about this matter—attitude, when to start.
My entire CET exam journey started in the first semester of my sophomore year, although I could have registered since the second semester of my freshman year, I didn't sign up. At that time, I thought there was still plenty of time, and I had a lot of classes that semester, so I didn't want to take the CET-4 during finals week (though the biggest reason might have been my fear of failing). That's right, I am an out-of-town student, and when I came to Shanghai for college, my first impression was that the English here was too difficult to learn, the intensity was so high: I remember in my freshman year, I was pulled up by the teacher in my English reading and writing and speaking classes, thanks to the teacher 🙏🙏. During the period when my enthusiasm for learning was extinguished, and it was English, the subject I hated the most, how could I possibly memorize vocabulary and learn English? I often feel that English is a very magical subject, and even the entire human language system is quite magical, because even if you study for a long time, when you encounter unfamiliar words, you just can't know them, and you can only guess their approximate meanings. This leads to the whole English course becoming very "random," and for a subject that requires years of accumulation, I would rather choose the path of "luck." For me, English is just about passing, being able to understand is enough, and if all else fails, there's always translation.
Previously, I would come across some self-discipline videos by college students, all about getting up early to memorize vocabulary. Well, the first thing in the morning is to memorize vocabulary, but for me, I didn't even have the early rising part; I spent it all in sleep. I don't understand why memorizing vocabulary in English is linked to self-discipline. It does require long-term persistence, and you have to endure a lot of difficult memorization, but I always feel that once you've memorized it, you can't just directly understand what foreigners are saying, right? You can't just memorize it and immediately land a high-paying job, right? ... That's right, when you're about to do something that causes you pain but isn't that important, there's always a voice urging you not to do it.
So my freshman year passed in self-entertainment, with a vocabulary count of less than 100. By sophomore year, if I didn't register for the CET, it would be hard to justify; I had already avoided it once. I remember the moment I clicked the payment button, I was determined to stick to memorizing vocabulary, yet just three minutes after completing the payment, I completely forgot about it, as if I had just ordered takeout 🤕. I remember that day on the way to the CET-4 exam, I was still quite confident, after all, I had some foundation. I was thinking, I have been entangled with English for so long, not knowing when I caught this "middle school syndrome," and when learning English, I often said things like "wtf," "come on, please," "What's wrong with you?" "What are you looking for?" I admit that learning these phrases is quite easy, and I can say them offhand, but I kept repeating them over and over, perhaps thinking it was cool.
And so I passed the CET-4. I didn't understand most of the content of the article, didn't comprehend the listening part at all, but I still passed. Then came the CET-6. Interestingly, there is a saying in college that "CET-6 is about scoring high," because to achieve a high score, college students will take the CET-6 twice a year without fail, so there's no worry about failing the first time; regardless, you have to take it next time. Once again, with a sense of luck, this time, Lady Luck did not stand by my side, and I missed passing by a dozen points. I couldn't calmly accept this fact. Yes, I didn't put in the effort or have expectations, but I still couldn't accept this fact, couldn't accept this mark of failure, like a stain on my life.
Wasn't all of this self-inflicted? Yes, that's right. So during the summer vacation, I set a goal for myself to memorize vocabulary, mainly to pass the exam, and secondly to read a lot of English documents; knowing more words wouldn't hurt. I told myself that this time I could do it. I could even imagine myself at home memorizing vocabulary and the joy of reading English documents without hindrance. I am a dreamer. On the first day of school, I hadn't memorized a single word, with no self-control whatsoever.
Next time, I'll do it; I'm too tired this time; I'll do it tomorrow; I'll start studying hard from next week... Sometimes, attitude might determine something, just as my attitude towards writing is—something to persist in for the rest of my life. So when I think of writing an article, I can write for an hour straight, brainstorming for a long time, thinking every day about what to write and what new perspectives I have. As for action, remember to do what you want to do now, because "you never know which will come first, tomorrow or the unexpected." I don't know if tomorrow I'll still have this mood or this condition. If it can be done now, please start! Just like me right now, it's one o'clock in the morning, I just finished my writing, and before sleeping, I thought about completing this article, so I told myself I wouldn't sleep until I finished writing.
Now, I understand the attitude towards certain things, and I know that without action, there will never be good changes, but I still plan to continue like this, living on with my regrets...